Pick-Up Lines: Art Form of Awkward Freaks

(noticing my lap-top ) "Oh, do they have wifi here?"
"You remind me so much of my mother"
"You've got your tongue pierced, maybe you could show me how it works?"
"Can I buy you a shot?" (at Jamba Juice)
"Well, aren't you a venti glass of water" (at Starbucks)
"You're a girl, right? Ok, good. Wanna fuck?"
"What high school do you go to?" (40-year-old-man)
"Can I use your phone?" (puts number in your phone under 'Hot Guy')
"What are you in for, sweets?" (middle-aged lady in drunk tank)
"Are you legal?"
"Hey, we look like we're related!"
"You don't look like an alcoholic."
"So, we've got the same car."
"I'm usually into pretty girls, but you're smart; I like that."
"Do you blog here often?"
"Can I use your chapstick?"
"You'd look great at church."
"You're rich, right?"
"You've got big teeth, great big teeth." (Little Red-Riding Hood Loser)
"Do you use curls-in-a-box?"
"What do you think about abortion?"
"Wanna fuck?"
"I'm impressed by how much you eat."
"I find drunk women intoxicating."
"What's your street address?"
"My mother was a whore, will you take care of me?"
"I've got a kid somewhere."
"I've been looking for someone to hook-up with all night!"
"Drink this"
"So, my grandmother's dead."
"You're pretty when you talk."
"Do you mind if I smell your hair?"
"Smell my feet! No really, smell my feet, they're awful!"
"Excuse me, can I borrow $5?"
"I'm miserable too."
"Your brother said I can ask you out" (your 'brother' being your boyfriend)
"I think your boyfriend's gay."
"If I wanted to, I could buy you."
"You look like my best friend" (who you later meet and learn is a dude)
"I bet you fuck better than your friend."
"You're beautiful." (later) "I'm blind in my left eye and only have 50% vision in my right. I have no peripheral vision."
"Are you attracted to attractive men?"
"Am I bothering you?" (while poking your arm repeatedly for 3 minutes)
"Didn't I meet you at StripFest?" (a comic book fair you've never heard of)
"Wanna go frollick in the garden?" (at Coachella, referring to the beer garden)
"I'm drunk."
"Wow you're really pale"
"Hey, do you like GHB?"
"You look like a cookie kinda girl."
"Will you talk to me so my girlfriend gets jealous?"
"I just paid your friend $5 to leave."


Please use with caution.