Awkward Ailments

The common cold or fever can arouse some awkward and embarrassing situations. Runny noses, delirium, funky bathroom situations, you name it we've been there. But what about those really strange and bizarre ailments that you read about in the news or the DSM manual? What would it be like to suffer from a mental disorder or disease that you seem insane or freaked out people who spoke to you or who were just merely within your vicinity? Well, here I will mention some of the strangest disorders I've ever heard of. Ailments even your doctor would probably feel uncomfortable diagnosing.

Couvade is a syndrome where about-to-be father's experience some of the same symptoms as their wives near the time of childbirth. A type to Phantom Pregnancy, this can include diarrhea, weight gain, mood changes and cramps in mild cases. In some severe cases men have come to look like a 7 month pregnant women with 30 pound weight gains, breast augmentation (they have actually breasts), insane pregnant food cravings and hormonal changes. Some of them even get the pregnant belly! This debated topic is awkward to explain if you suffer from it. Imagine being at work with breasts and a pregnant belly and people are like, "didn't you say your wife was pregnant?" And your like "yeah, I'm just really stressed out. That's why I have breasts and an invisible fetus in my stomach."

Art attacks occur in people who become ill in the presence of great works of art. Also known as Stendhal Syndrome this ailment causes heart palpitations, dizziness, confusion and paranoia due to the person being overwhelmed by beauty. This occurs mostly in people viewing Florentine art and was actually discovered in Italy (I'm surprised it wasn't France). Imagine being at the Sistine Chapel and having the person next to you fainting because they couldn't take a world with so much beauty in it? No, Kevin Spacey this isn't American Beauty it's the Louvre.

Foreign Accent Syndrome occurs in people who suffer a head injury or go through a coma. When they wake up they adopt a different accent from the one they had been born with. A Norwegian woman who fell into a coma after an air raid in 1941 adopted a thick German accent when she awoke. She was then horribly ostracized by her friends and neighbors. Imagine if your friend got in a car accident and when he awoke in the hospital he started speaking in a thick Scottish rogue and you thought it was weird but that it was probably just a phase, but then he did it for the rest of his life even picking up the slang of the place using words like "bloody" and "bloomers" even though he had never really been into Scottish culture? Awkward.

Dr. Strangelove Syndrome aka Alien Hand Syndrome is pretty much described as it sounds. It's a neurological disease where one of the person's hands takes a life and mind of it's own. Kind of like that movie Idle Hands but your hand isn't possessed by another person who is a serial killer. The person merely can't control the actions of that hand but it is still a part of them, so when they accidentally grope the dude next to them or slap the cashier across the face it is them who's doing it and they really just look like an asshole. And it's probably better to just say "I'm sorry I have problems" because actually sounds more sane that saying "I'm sorry I don't have any control over my hand. It does things with out me telling it to. I think it's possessed."

Munchausen Syndrome is a psychiatric disorder where those afflicted fake illness, disease or psychological trauma to get attention. It's different from hypochondria (which is also pretty awkward) because those who suffer from it know they are making up their symptoms or exaggerating them. The women who regularly poisons her kid and brings them to hospitals in order to get attention for having a sick kid are severe cases of this. There are those people who like the attention they get at hospitals so they consistently get themselves sick or injured because they want to go back. "Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name..and they're always glad you came", but not really because it's just kinda awkward and suspicious because you've been there 20 times already and it's always something different. Either you're a walking disaster or you have no friends and are dealing with it in a really sad and creepy way.

Ganser syndrome is a factitious disorder (one that's only in your head you crazy psycho!) where in reaction to extreme stress the person gives extreme answers to simple questions. If one were to ask " how many letters in the alphabet" the person would say "fifty". Imagine trying to have a conversation with that person? It would be the most pointless conversation in the history of conversations and then you would leave agitated and confused because you would think the person was an asshole or they were trying to fuck with you as part of some sick joke. But you would never figure out why they were doing thins and you would end up confused wondering why the world is testing you today and why everyone can't just be honest.