Global Warming's got nothing on nature (oh wait, well yeah, I guess it does), but it's got nothing to do with this post. Awkward Moments as caused by Mother Nature:
1.)Wind. You walk out of the house (after spending an unreal amount of time getting ready, you narcissist.) And there it is, at your hair, at your skirt hemline, revealing granny panties to the world. With your umbrella. Actually, why even explain this, when there's a German Ad on YouTube that's kind of entertaining (except that their trying to sell the wind or something?) Anyway, this explains it. Wind=Awkward. And the guy who plays the wind in this video is horribly awkward-looking, so maybe just check it out for that.
2.) Rain. If you're wearing flipflops and now you have old-flip-flop-slime, which you'll probably trip and fall on, or slide into someone outside your office. Also, ruins makeup, hair, clothes, life (for you melodramatics). Rain also makes driving unbearable in Southern California (and yes, Albert Hammond, it does rain in Southern California, citizens of which just blackout every time it does.). Makes everyone into a foul, rodent-looking creature. Also, makes stinky things stinkier (stinky's an awkward word).
3.) Snow. Break out the ugliest clothes ever! Got your gloves, your hat, earmuffs? Congratulations you are a big, dumb five year old. Just because it snows doesn't mean you have to ask for marshmallows in your hot chocolate, you're still a grownup.
4.) Sleet. Awkward because what the hell is it? Is it raining? Snowing? Icing? All you know is you're wearing a baliklava and you're face is still all cut up like a Krugger victim. You try to walk to work carefully, carefully, but you slip and fall because that's what happens unless you wear cleats (and why would you wear cleats?) Also, makes sound on windshield like diahrea.
5.) Unbearably Hot Weather. Work is only three blocks away, but apparently you just ran the New York City Marathon. You're sweaty and you stink and so does everyone else. Women sport sweat 'staches, men have swamp ass, and you smell like the city sewer because the world is decomposing at bionic speed. Ick.
6.) Dust Storm. Because why are you anywhere where there would be a dust storm? Are you a hitchiker? A shaman? Anne Heche? You can't see and you're dirty and maybe you just reenacted a scene from the Bible. Find Shelter and a shower.
7.) Humidity. It's hot, or not. It's not windy, not really anything, except you're the swamp thing. Your hair has been styled by Tina Turner, you just got into an accident because you can't see shit while you're driving and are you sweaty or clammy? Both are awkward because you're gross and tired, swimming through your day.
8.) Fog. Fog's just an awkward setting period. Take San Francisco for instance, the Flagship Awkward City. Living here is like living in a bong. Everyone talks about the fog like it's the boogie man ("I bet the fog'll roll in later", "I just hope the fog burns off before noon", "Oh the Fog just settles in on the city in the summer, you know like Mark Twain said") Fog is creepy, thus awkward. Will you run into Jack the Ripper? Will you get hit by a bus? Are you going to kill yourself today? Or maybe just smoke a joint because going outside feels too apolocalyptic to handle. And you stoned is awkward enough for everyone.
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