Give me back my mullet A.C. Slater!

So I'm seriously thinking about getting a mullet but every time I mention it to someone they laugh and seem to think I'm just trying to be funny. Perhaps the idea of a mullet provokes the image of Billy Ray Cyrus. Maybe they imagine my face attached to Michael Bolton's hair or they picture me strumming the guitar as Phil Collins back in his Genesis days. People seem to associate my mullet with me holding a bottle of Wild Turkey in a wife beater outside of a trailer park while I yell at my six crazy children. Even my children probably have chullets (children's mullets) because that's how people with mullets cut their offspring's hair.

This association with mullets is outrageous. I happen to think mullets are awesome and I think that it's about time they made a comeback. David Bowie had a mullet and isn't Ziggy Stardust just about the coolest most offbeat character in the history of Rock and Roll? Mullets have existed in our culture before the word mullet was even coined as a term. Ancient Egyptian Pharaohs sported this trendy hairstyle while sitting atop their thrones. Egyptian officials wore this style as well. Would Cleopatra have slept with someone who had a mullet if mullets weren't the epitome of sophistication? I think not. Huckleberry Finn is a character who was ahead of his time. He broke through societal boundaries and befriended a black slave in a time when that was considered wrong. And do you know what kind of hairstyle he had? You guessed it. And who wouldn't want a hairstyle that you can describe as "business in the front, a party in the back"? I'm not talking about a rattail here people, the mullet is perfectly acceptable and seems kind of fun to sport.

Down with the Mulletocracy, this is a Mulletopia! In my ideal society you should be able to have any hairstyle you want with out the worry of being made fun of and labeled as that type of person. In the 6th century BC the Greek youth sported mullets, and many native American tribes adhered to this trend as well. In Roman society mullet's were a protest to the gender boundaries that existed around hair. Women had to have long hair, men short. The mullet on the other hand was the place where masculine met feminine. Long and short hair joined forces to create the perfect balance for hair. Joan of Arc was a pioneer of feminism. She led an army at a time when women had no place in war other than to keep the children safe and fed. Many portrayals of Joan of Arc depict her sporting that glorious mullet mane. Did people have mullet's during the dark ages? I think not. But in the Renaissance, the rebirth of Western society the mullet came back loud and proud. And that's what the mullet should always say: "I'm comfortable with myself and I am proud to sport a hairstyle that has been an important feature since the dawn of human civilization!" What hairstyle does Australopithecus have? And that was before people even started talking about making hair into a style. You see, the mullet is as natural as wheatgrass shots at Jamba Juice.