Awkward Alley

Isn't it awkward when...

• You go to grab your credit card from the cashier and you miss, awkwardly caressing his hand. Then there's that weird silence and hesitation followed by an academy award winning acting job where you both pretend that it never happened and that "everything's cool" but you secretly hope to never see that guy again and every time you go to buy groceries you purposely avoid his lane.
• You ask your ambiguously gay coworker if he has a boyfriend or has met any "cool" guys lately because you're cool with your sexuality and he responds by saying, "What? Do you think I'm fucking gay? Do I seem gay to you?" And you respond with "No of course not. I just ask that to everyone" even though you don't assume everyone is gay and he wears tight black clothes, is on a low carb diet, has a feminine voice and performs the task of choosing which clothes to put on display in the clothing store you work at. Once you even caught him secretly trying on a dress in the back of the stockroom.
• You run into your friend and they say "I love you" and you're like, wow they've never said that to me before so you say "I love you too" and then they give you a look and you realize they're on the phone with their girlfriend.