Old man vein legs. Empty coffee pot on wall ledge (no coffee shop in sight). 30 year olds with backpacks (school's out....for. ever.). Butt-hair toupees. People who say Roight?! with a British accent but they're from Riverside. Dog on a flat-bed being towed by a bicycle. big fat man with tiny little cappuccino cup (fat guy with a little cu-up.) Hairy feet with toe jam. Heroin addicts with Red Bulls. Hipsters with army caps (is being patriot cool again? confusing). Eight year olds with Blue-Tooths (new-rave robots). Scooters (vroom, vroom, little tool). Text-messaging callouses (get non-virtual friends). Flannel in heat. Vitamin bottle caps in ears (are you gonna drink that?) Old men with chucks (punk-STOP!) Giving Middle-American things French accented consonants (KF-Ce). Energy drinks named after genitalia (Bawls.) Buying generic Viagra at 7-11 (2-for-1 stamina and rat sausage.) Bitches on bikes (yes, I mean males). Palm trees in San Francisco (a la- FUCK ITS COLD-bamba.) Emo Music (bring the tissues, hide the knives.) Magenta cars (Purple Petrol-Eater). Blogging in a crowded room (postmodern wallflower.) Smoking in Malibu (ashtray=your face.) Referring to marijuana as if it were your date (She fucks you up real nice huh? Real friends won't give you cotton mouth.) calling art 'exquisite.' Throwing up in inanimate objects other than a trashcan or a toilet bowl (gentle suggestion: detox). Twenty year olds who call their girlfriends 'the old-lady' (oedipal-washed-up-hippy- complex). Snot rockets (You're 25. This is a Kleenex). Bike helmets (skull fractures=street cred). Abbreviating stupid things (Man, this is a comf. pil. Dyslexia is not sexia.) Wearing napkins as bibs (I promise the lobster will not be mashed and thrown at you). Pointing out the awkwardness of things when it really wasn't, you just didn't have anything interesting to say (oops, now it is.)
Monday, May 19, 2008
Help, I've Got Awkward Tourette's!
Old man vein legs. Empty coffee pot on wall ledge (no coffee shop in sight). 30 year olds with backpacks (school's out....for. ever.). Butt-hair toupees. People who say Roight?! with a British accent but they're from Riverside. Dog on a flat-bed being towed by a bicycle. big fat man with tiny little cappuccino cup (fat guy with a little cu-up.) Hairy feet with toe jam. Heroin addicts with Red Bulls. Hipsters with army caps (is being patriot cool again? confusing). Eight year olds with Blue-Tooths (new-rave robots). Scooters (vroom, vroom, little tool). Text-messaging callouses (get non-virtual friends). Flannel in heat. Vitamin bottle caps in ears (are you gonna drink that?) Old men with chucks (punk-STOP!) Giving Middle-American things French accented consonants (KF-Ce). Energy drinks named after genitalia (Bawls.) Buying generic Viagra at 7-11 (2-for-1 stamina and rat sausage.) Bitches on bikes (yes, I mean males). Palm trees in San Francisco (a la- FUCK ITS COLD-bamba.) Emo Music (bring the tissues, hide the knives.) Magenta cars (Purple Petrol-Eater). Blogging in a crowded room (postmodern wallflower.) Smoking in Malibu (ashtray=your face.) Referring to marijuana as if it were your date (She fucks you up real nice huh? Real friends won't give you cotton mouth.) calling art 'exquisite.' Throwing up in inanimate objects other than a trashcan or a toilet bowl (gentle suggestion: detox). Twenty year olds who call their girlfriends 'the old-lady' (oedipal-washed-up-hippy- complex). Snot rockets (You're 25. This is a Kleenex). Bike helmets (skull fractures=street cred). Abbreviating stupid things (Man, this is a comf. pil. Dyslexia is not sexia.) Wearing napkins as bibs (I promise the lobster will not be mashed and thrown at you). Pointing out the awkwardness of things when it really wasn't, you just didn't have anything interesting to say (oops, now it is.)
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