We've received a few question regarding this whole awkward business. Specifically, we've had quite a few inquiries as to whether or not the individual in question was awkward or 'mockward'. So we've decided to start a new column devoted to determining how awkward you are. Here's this week's Q&A:Q: I'm crying at Starbucks. Awkward or Mockward?
A: I have to say that crying is definitely awkward. However, crying at Starbucks is another case. Hmm, I'd go with mockward...but old-school mockward, circa 1996 perhaps? Dust off a Nirvana record, break out some flannel and reminisce over your now soggy Turkey Bacon sammy.
More Mockward? Cruise to an independent coffeehouse for a chai and let the crying commence after perusing the oh-so-touching 'spread of capitalism' article in the latest Adbusters.
More Awkward? Turn to the guy behind you, sob and fall into him, snotting on his shirt and taking a sip of his grande nonfat cappucino. Tell him, "it's just so good what they're doing for water in 3rd world countries" while hugging a bottle of unopened Ethos. Steal his cap and hum 'Time' to yourself on the way out.
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Have a bizarre situation? Hit us up and we'll tell you how awkward/mockward it is, plus how to make it more so. E-mail us at onwardawkward@gmail.com Awk-on.
7 comments:
You five or six are not awkward at all. At best you are observers of that which you deem awkward. Which I guess may not be a bad thing.
and you are...anonymously annoying...at best.
and you are dandy, randy.
wait. your fucking blogging about my questions. me serious fucking questions. cock sucker. wait, is that ackward abuse? callimg you a cock sucker via a comment on your blog? whatever. if you need me ill be in the seaweed section @ mothers, in tears. again.
Awk-on...
get your mind right little chef. these comments have been written 'anonymously' by the blogger. keep trying this hard and maybe you'll land a noteable, brownish stain amongst the poo of a struggling writer's toilet.
This is a bunch of pretentious bullshit that I would offer up to a bunch of angst ridden teens trying to find the world truth in the bottom of their book bag, or in this case... a starbucks cup... grow up and find a new major.
xoxo
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